When your teen refuses to go to school, it’s rarely about laziness or being rebellious. More often, it’s anxiety, overwhelm, fear of failure, or social worries.
School refusal can turn mornings into a battleground and leave you feeling helpless, frustrated, or even scared for your teen’s well-being. Beneath the arguments and avoidance, there’s often something deeper going on—big emotions that your teen may not yet have the skills to name, manage, or move through.
What is school refusal?
School refusal is when your teen becomes highly anxious about going to school. They may miss some or all of the school day. Children who refuse to go to school often stay home with their parents’ knowledge. This is despite encouragement to attend.
School refusal may start suddenly or build up over time.
What are the signs of school refusal?
Your teen may:
- Experience sleep issues or make threats of self-harm.
- Show high anxiety, panic, or emotional outbursts.
- Complain about illnesses (aches and pains) that generally improve if allowed to stay home.
- Avoid getting ready for school, lock themselves away, or refuse to move.
- Experience sleep issues or make threats of self-harm.
What causes school refusal?
School refusal may stem from:
- Anxiety, depression, or learning challenges.
- Major life changes– starting Year 7 is an example, or moving schools or homes.
- Stressful or negative school experiences (e.g. bullying, academic struggles)
- Problems with a teacher or low academic results.
Understanding school refusal is the first step to breaking the cycle of daily stress and emotional strain. Once we see that our teens aren’t rebelling—they’re often overwhelmed—we can respond with greater compassion and purpose.
NEXT UP: In the next part of this series, we’ll take you through three steps you can use right away to reduce resistance, stay calm, and build emotional safety with your teen. Click here: Is your teen refusing school? 3 steps to help without the ongoing battles.
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