What would a teenager tell parents about talking to them about sex? One brave teen shared their honest thoughts with us. And their insights might surprise you.
We talk about this issue this week as it’s been making waves on radio talkback lately, with parents sharing that they feel surprised, concerned, or fearful at the thought that their teens may become sexually active earlier than they hoped.
We know that most parents want to do the right thing, but aren’t always sure where to begin.
That’s why we decided to go straight to the source: a teenager. By hearing directly from one teen, we hoped to gain a candid, real-world perspective that could help parents navigate these tricky conversations with empathy and honesty.
In this article, you’ll read what this teen told us. It includes what kinds of conversations they appreciate, what feels unhelpful, and what parents can do to keep the lines of communication open. They share what kind of support actually matters most.
A Quick Note Before We Begin
We recognise that every family has its own values, beliefs, and comfort levels when it comes to talking about sex. We’re not here to tell you what’s right or wrong, or what you should do. Instead, we’re sharing a perspective from a teen, with the hope that it might give you some insight into how young people are thinking and feeling. Use what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and trust yourself to decide what’s right for your family.
A teen’s honest thoughts …
Parent Connections (PC): What’s the best way for a parent to approach talking to their teen about sex?
Teen: “Don’t ruin it for the first time you have the conversation.”
“If you say ‘this is bad’, then they won’t want to talk with you again. Go in open-minded. Talk more about it in a supportive or accepting way.”
“And don’t go in really hard or restrictive, because they’re teens and they’ll find a way.”
Parent Connections (PC): What do we talk about? Do we talk about sex?
Teen: “Parents don’t need to explain what sex is. Schools provide lots of information about it, including consent. What we do need is support.”
Parent Connections (PC): What sort of support?
Teen: “The main worry for the parent is that they might get STDs or get pregnant. That’s the main concern.
But support is to ask the teen ‘If you need contraceptives, let me know.’ Teens don’t want to hear ‘Oh my god, that’s too grown up.’ Because we’re going to learn about it anyway. Just say, ‘I’m here if you want to ask any questions’.”
Parent Connections (PC): Is it uncomfortable for the teen as it can be for the parent?
Teen: “It’s an uncomfortable topic for both the teen and the parent.”
“But don’t instantly label it as a scary topic or scandalous. Discuss it. Tell the teens to use contraception. Tell them not to be stupid. Pregnancy does happen.”
Parent Connections (PC): One final piece of advice to parents?
Teen: “Parents, you need to deal with it. It’s a biological thing. It’s what teens do. It’s the teen’s first time as a human.
Be happy that they’re normal and help them to be safe.”
Here are our tips for you (the Parent Connections approach)
With the recent talk in the media and online discussion boards about fears that teens are becoming sexually active earlier than parents had hoped, we ask the question:
When is the right time to talk to your teen about sex?
The short answer: the moment you’re thinking about it – that’s the right time.
It’s no secret that teens are growing up in a very different world than we did. Sexual imagery, online influences, and peer pressure are everywhere. That’s why early, honest conversations matter more than ever. Not just about sex itself, but about respect, body safety, protective behaviours and values. Without instilling fear or shame into our teens.
Tips for you 👉
- Sit down for an honest, heart-to-heart conversation, not a lecture.
- Ask about their romantic relationships. Many teens have them, even if they haven’t told you yet. Show interest and ask questions without interrogating.
- Talk about consent, safety and consequences, like pregnancy and the emotional impact.
- Share your values, but also listen to theirs.
- Focus on connection, not correction. If they trust you, they’ll come to you. If your teen doesn’t feel safe with you, they may start to hide things. But if there’s a relationship, a genuine bond, they’ll open up. Build trust, ask questions, and listen more than you speak.
“Talking with your teen about sex won’t encourage them to start having sex.
Teens who talk with their parents about sex are more likely to have safe sex. Bringing up the topic of sex often shows them that it’s ok to talk about it. It lets them know that you’re open to talk about it when they need.” [Kids Help Line]
In the end, this is all about keeping the lines of communication open. Every family’s conversations will look different, and that’s okay. Trust your instincts, stay curious, and keep showing up for your teen. They may not always say it, but they appreciate it more than you know.
More information for you
Here are 2 great articles on talking with teens about sex:
- “Consent and sexual consent: talking with children and teenagers” by Raising Children Network. Click here.
- “Talking to your teen about safe sex” by Kids Helpline. Click here.
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